Joy To The World

On my previous blog " Shame On Me ", I shared with you how I shut down emotionally. Well, we all know that emotional pain is more tormenting than physical pain. Emotional abuse is more terrible than physical abuse. I did that when I was a child because I did not want to get hurt anymore. But, when we numb ourselves from pain, we also numb ourselves from love. Therefore, I did not know how to love and to be affectionate. It was unknown to me and so no wonder no one can love me as much as I wanted to be loved. After my breakdown this year which I shared on " It's Okay Not To Be Okay ", it made me become aware of how low my self-worth is and how I hated myself for all these years. Therefore, I did not love myself in my deepest core. Yeah, sad truth. And so, I dedicated this year to love myself again unconditionally and completely 100%.  One more thing, based on what I have learned from Teal Swan's video which I posted on " Why We Broke Up? ",

Few weeks before my birthday I got into circumstances that led me into a realization that I was filled with guilt and shame. I also found out other negative core beliefs that I had been carrying around all through out my life and these are: I deserve punishment, I deserve to suffer, I don't deserve to be happy and I don't deserve to be loved. These are the emotional pains I did not let myself feel when I was a child because it was too painful and unbearable. For you to better understand what I am talking about I am going to share with you my childhood. I grew up as a rebellious child when I was around 4-7 years old. I and my little brother were left in the care of other people because our mother had to work from early in the morning until late in the evening and we only saw our father during weekend. I cannot bear the thought of being neglected or abandoned so I did stupid things so I can get the attention I needed. I pushed my brother into the flood with earthworms an

Few days from now, I am going to be, OMG! can't believe this, 30!!! The pressure of getting married will be more intense, I guess, after my birthday. Well, life is not just about getting married guys, please. If you love me or like me at least, please do not ask me that question. I am happy right now being single because I have so many things to do for my life. Let's put that idea on the hands of God, okay? (crossing fingers)... I am going to share with you how I prepared for my birthday as my birthday present for myself. Turning 30 feels like a debut for me...hahaha!!! Some of my friends celebrate it as a despedida. Saying goodbye to 20's and saying hi to 30's. Usually, we will plan for a party with friends and loved ones. But, it's not my kind of idea as of this year. A lot has happened to me especially after I turned 29 and I got wounded out of it. No worries, scars are just signs of the battles I have conquered...hahaha!!! Proud of myself... I