My Life Purpose

My parents and I had a fight about an incident that happened in our business and they blamed me for my reaction. My parents wanted me to change. Every time I told them there's nothing wrong with me so I do not need to change. Their faces were like "WHAT?!?! Are you nuts? You are going crazy with what you have been doing all along." And they started criticizing me again of how my life was deteriorating and my age was increasing. Their criticisms were killing me as if they were stabbing a knife all throughout my body. I felt emotional shocked because they favored the other person more than me and so I should be the one to adjust and change my attitude. I cannot take it anymore and so I went out, walked, until I stumbled upon a cafe. I ordered cake and tea. After I ate them, I let my body fell on the sofa like I was dying. The trauma I had when I was a child went back, the one I shared with you on "Shame On Me". They did not understand me at all and they had no plans of doing so. It really hurt so much! I slept, woke up when it was morning and went home and slept again. I just experienced what I call a psychological death and after I woke up in the afternoon I felt so great instantly. Aside from that, I discovered something about me and my life purpose.

2012 was when I became aware of the dysfunction we had in our family and that was also the birth of my compassion to the kids out there who were misunderstood, mistreated and abandoned by their parents. When my life coach asked me what is my life purpose, I cannot answer it. My intuition showed me an image of street children but I did not understand what it meant. Clueless. I cannot also admit at that time that I had compassion with children because (hello?!) when I was young I did not treat my siblings nicely. I was their big cruel sister which is my false self, by the way. But, as I kept going on my journey of knowing who I really am, deeper and deeper, the compassion I have for children increased tremendously because I saw myself in them when I was young. I was misunderstood and mistreated emotionally by my parents. Everything makes sense to me now.

With my realization, I can totally agree with Louise Hay, the author of You Can Heal Your Life, that we choose our parents. Before, I came here to Earth, I already made soul contracts with my parents so I can know who I really am and who I want to become. My soul wanted what it felt like to have compassion for children or maybe to be a great parent if I get married and have kids, and so, I had to experience the opposite of it in the child's perspective. Law of Duality. We cannot know white if there's no black and vice versa. Most specifically, I chose a mother who does not really care for her children and exercise manipulation and control so she can get what she wants and a father who is overly passive and righteous, and chooses his wife over his kids. Both of them exercise conditional love. And this has a purpose like what I shared with you on my blog post "The Little Soul and The Sun". I suggest you read that short story "The Little Soul and The Sun" by Neale Donald Walsch so you can get a better understanding of what I meant. Well, right now I and my parents were silent with each other because unlike before that I told them what I do so they could somehow appreciate me but they never did. Now, it's a different story, I let go of the idea of always pleasing them and I also told them, before the incident happened as stated above, that I was worthless and that I did not amount to anything so they will also let go their expectations of me. That was just drama in front of their eyes. Well, I am pretty sure that someday my parents will be proud of me once they will see the result of the work that I do. I totally forgive them from the bottom of my heart because they are part of fulfilling my life purpose. Also, I will never give up on myself because if I did who will help me? No one. And this is the problem of most children out there who are misunderstood and mistreated either physically or emotionally because they tend to personalize the experience like what I did when I was young and they do not know what to do. For survival, they forget who they really are and comes with it, they forget their inner gifts. Some of them need guidance because there are increasing number of juvenile delinquencies, drugs, addictions and teenage pregnancies. All are forms of their own rebellion.  

Danna, after our study. What I adore about this child is she has a resilient heart.

It is my dream that someday all children and even people, who are ready to face their shadows/inner demons, to know who they really are and who they want to become because their inner gifts or inner diamonds will just flourish by itself and all of us will be working together in helping heaven happen here. From now on, this will be my WHY for life. Why I do what I do. Currently, I am doing tutor with my friend's child, Danna, because they always fight when they study together. I help my friend understand her child so she won't destroy the child's self-esteem. I also help the child understand her mother so she won't personalize the experience. I also tutor another youth who has difficulty in Math. As of now, this is my way on working my dream and this blog, of course, to increase awareness to all parents out there. That's why I added the "Parenting" tab. I am still figuring out more on how can I work on my why especially when my inner struggles end. I truly believe that every child/person has its own unique intelligence and magnificence. If they are guided properly, a child/person can change the world.

This song inspires me to be brave enough to become what I've always known.

The journey was never easy. There was so much pain.