The Path To Knowing Who I Am

When I began my spiritual journey last 2012, my life started going down the hall. When my life coach asked the question, "Who are you?" I was tongue-tied and speechless. Then, he said, "Ask that question to yourself. Who am I?" And so, I did but I really cannot find the answer for myself. In fact, that was the hardest question I had ever encountered in my life at that time. And that's when I realized, I was a lost soul. I did not know who I really am, taking into consideration that most people are being brainwashed to act in a certain way. What I mean by that is, I cannot really say that I am a hardworking person because it might be that I am only taught to act as a hardworking person. I cannot really say that I love shirts and shorts because I might be taught to wear and love those kinds of clothes. We are being programmed to think, do, and act in a certain way unless you become aware of who you really are and act upon it.

I guess the path for Spirituality begins once you embark on a journey of getting to know who you really are. That is where we get the terms; Self-Realized, Self-Conscious, Self-Actualized Beings for most spiritual masters because they are aware of who they really are and they are conscious of their choices and actions moment-to-moment. My heart told me to embark into this journey after I closed MACbay Cafe, the coffee shop I used to manage and co-owned as I shared with you on my previous blog "Thoughts Are Things." In case, you do not know what Spirituality means, it may refer to almost any kind of meaningful activity, personal growth or blissful experience. It is often separated from organized religious institutions, as in the phrase "spiritual but not religious". Traditionally, it refers to a process of re-formation of personality to live a life according to Divine will, but there is no single, agreed-upon definition of spirituality. (Wikipedia)

I did not realized that it was a tough journey. It really challenged all aspect of my life mentally, financially, physically, emotionally and, of course, spiritually. I cannot count anymore how many pail of tears I've shed, tears of joy and sadness. And what's more difficult was, there was no one, literally, NO ONE, to support me emotionally even my family. And so, that's the time I learned to trust myself. When everything failed and no one was there, I discovered I still have myself.

I asked God or the Universe, why all these failures, pain and hurt consecutively? And someone inside my head speaking near my right ear, "For you to know the truth of who you are."

I did research on some of the spiritual teachers that I follow Louise Hay, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Neale Donald Walsch, Anthony de Mello and Teal Swan. All of them are saying about Law of Duality that you cannot know white without black, up without down, hot without cold, etc. and that everything in this Universe is in relation to something else. It goes like this, I have to come into this life in different circumstances to experience who I am not, so it would give rise for a desire to know who I really am.

My life has been a struggle since 2012-2015 that I experienced failure after failure. My parents hated me because, externally, my life appeared to be going backward. But, they do not know what I've been doing internally, my inner world. I was conquering my inner battles, my fears. I've tried sharing this to them but they cannot understand me. It seemed so pointless to talk to them what was happening to me when we were communicating at a different wavelength or communication channel. Same goes to my friends, they cannot understand me. They have no idea what spirituality is.

As I reflect more about my past experiences, I appreciate all the struggles that I've been through for 3 years because I get to know who I really am. Also, those failures made me aware of the thoughts, beliefs and emotions that I have been carrying throughout my life that do not serve me and my happiness. Most of them were based on fear, lack and survival. I was given a chance to be conscious of them and completely alter them in alignment to my happiness and who I really am.  And by doing so, I am changing my vibration, the energy that I am sending to the Universe to create my own reality. Thus, I am changing my life without going against myself. In fact, I am loving myself more. I also get to know why I exist and the meaning of my life. But, I am still on the process of gathering more and more experiences and trying new things so I could further know more of who I really am and what is it that I need to do before I die.

Moreover, I also get to see more in life. I become more conscious and sensitive to my environment. I also get to see the reason behind why people suffer in life. Most people live a stressful life in a quiet desperation and they are not aware of it until they become terribly sick or depressed. Now, that I am feeling better for quite awhile and I feel I need to do some work for myself to start all over again from scratch. From this point forward, I am going to live my life in alignment of who I really am, being my real self and being honest with what I really feel inside. No matter what other people say about me. No more pretending just for the sake of other people's approval. Whew! I've had it and it was sooo stressful because no matter what you do you cannot please everybody. It is so freeing to feel you are happy inside and not dying.

As a conclusion, here's what I have to say. "Life is meant to be a worthwhile journey but most of us experience suffering because most of our ways of living negate our natural state as a human being." Also, for you to further know what I am sharing about here, especially those who are not exposed to Spirituality, I have included a Youtube video of Teal Swan entitled "False Self vs. Real Self" located at the bottom.

Rest In Peace Dr. Wayne Dyer. He died last Saturday August 29, 2015. Your teachings always remain in our hearts. :'(